Thank you.

Two simple words yet they fail me when I need them most. Example, today on the bus the universe granted one of my wishes. Many of you know Adonis well today something happend that goes like this:

Me *walking off the bus*
AD: Oh (insert my name here, of course he said my real name, but I"m not posting that) I forget to tell you... you look nice today. I was going to tell you this morning...(trails off)
Me *Give thumbs up sign and smiles sarcastic like*
AD: *Gives thumbs up back*

I know I know why am I such a dofus? I couldn't even mutter something simple like thank you. I think it is because I'm shy, but we all know that I'm just making excuses so I feel better about my self. I hope to the universe he didn't doesn't won't care that I'm such a jerk. Of course I don't like him any more (that doesn't mean he isn't good looking, but I've come to realize he is just as immature as everyone else). I think this whole thing is like the typical - I love you, thank you drama (If you don't know what I'm talking about it means you have a life and don't watch 9 million hours of TV, and if you do don't feel bad we're all losers at some point in our lives). I think I just have an overall compliment getting problem. I always feel people aren't being geinuine when they give me compliments. Especially if it is someone I don't know well, but that stinks because it is all the more important to be respectful to people you don't know. Anyways I'm sure he doesn't care and he isn't getting all over analitical. There is a really great contest from PETA if you're interested: http://blog.peta.org/archives/2009/02/win_it_wednesda.php

Everything is not going to be alright.

I'm one of those very annoying people who say, "Every thing will be alright" or "It will all work out." It usually does work out for me so I really don't know what to say. I'm usually extremely optimistic, but when triggered I can just roll out the sarcasm (not that I don't do that anyways). I usually tell myself, "Once you believe something is possible, then it is." It is all the power of positive thinking. I really think people could use that now. Eventually you do get what you need. You just really have to believe. If you want to hear about hardships read Upton Sinclair's The Jungle. This guy loses everything. It is a fictional story based off of true events (so Historical Ficition). My thoughts are all jumbled up today, so of course my righting isn't that great. Well that is all I have to say =) use the power.

I'm mad at you, no I'm mad at me

I do this thing were I get severly pissed off, and have these conversations in my head. Example:

Me=Me S=Subconcious (or consicous I have no clue but that little voice that is always right)

Me: Why does the universe dislike me with atomic intensity?

S: Maybe it isn't the universe. Why do you dislike yourself with atomic intensity?

Me: I don't *mutter* *mutter*



Me: Why am I so untalented?

S: Quit wanting things you don't have? *under breath* Spoiled Brat

Me: Why would I want them if I could have them?

S: You have plenty of talents, but not the rare kind.

Me: Oh thanks *rolls eyes*



These are the exact reasons why I believe no one should pay for therapy. Be your own therapist and save yourself a small fortune. I'm banning myself from TV I believe it is making me depressed (I'm serious). I always know that the movie about the person who got what they really wanted is fake and it only happens in movies, but I always have some glimmer of hope that it could happen to me. Or I could be the person who got everything they wanted blah blah. If I did get what I wanted I would just want more and more and there would be no end so I'm limiting the things I want to these 3 on the list right here.

1. Clear Skin (I can't tell you how many years I've wanted this)


2. To do Ballet and do it well. (I don't know why I desire this so but I do and I thorughly believe you should follow your passions)


3. To have someone outside my family tell me I look pretty. (I know so vain, but ugly people need to hear this more than the people who get told 1 million and 1 times a day. I guess it is something pretty sad to want, but I really just never feel like anyone likes me.)

So those are my three. I think 3 is a good number. Okay now more complaints,

I have been realizing over the past week that no one really likes me that much. I mean sure I have friends, but I always have a feeling that if I were gone no one would miss me. (I'm not talking about suicide, ewww I would never ever do that.) You know how you have friends but no best friends. Like when you have to choose partners you are the one who is always left in the dust. That girl is always me. I'm always stuck with someone I didn't want to work with.

Do I really care?

Well my mom found a stray cat and bird the other day. My neighbors are keeping the cat until they can give her to a no-kill animal shelter (or unhopefully -not full of hope- me). We couldn't catch the bird and we don't know where s/he went. My dad is getting on my last nerve. It seems like everything I ask for (that is you know, when actually do ask for something) he says no. My parents don't even seem to have a genuine interest in my life. I'm thankful that they take me to dance and my L.A. fitness classes, and buy me special food; but those are material things and they never really talk to me. The most I get is a 5 minute conversation about which classes I want to go to this week, or my mom asks me if I want to go to class, because if not she is going to go to my brother's game. I don't understand how the people that do everything right, get nothing back. I've gotten straight A's my entire life and it has been rotten. My brother meanwhile has been all over the place A-B's D's C's! He has $300 worth of video games and DVDs, meanwhile I get the whole "Well we appreciate you more-you have a laptop-you have cellphone-don't be such a spoiled brat speech.". I don't even know what it could possibly be that get nothing. I would like to talk to the greater power who gives out all the magnificent gifts, beauty-intelligence-and other wonderful talents. I would tell him/her what a stupid thing it is to have intelligence, because you just realize how awful the world is. Bottom line, I'm mad, I'm sad and I feel under appreciated.

Genius

Ideas have been poping to me out of no where the past few days and I'm starting to like it. Of course I think these ideas are brillant some other people (*parents*) not so much.

1. Homeschool

• Public School Stinks
• It takes up too much time
• Teachers don't listen
• I'm not LEARNING anything
• the whole system is messed up

Brillant Idea number 2

• Go to sleep when I get home then wake up in the morning and do my homework

My parents really can't disagree with number two (so far). However they refuse to take me out of public school. It goes something like this

blah blah blah No blah blah blah No time blah blah blah Why can't you just do the same thing as everyone else blah blah blah Too much money blah blah blah blah We'll see (which means no, and if you ask about it again I'm taking your iPod away).

But you just wait, next time I ask I'm going to come at them with a powerpoint and index cards. (Oh yeah I'm bad). This reminds me of the time I was in 1st grade and I wanted to take the French offered at the school, mom said no and I didn't argue. Looking back I regret it (I was only seven and I could have only taken it for a year) it stinks. Right now I might be able to speak Frech, but thanks to the people who (supposedly) have my best interests in mind (most of the time) the only language I'm fluent in is English. I'm not mad at my parents it isn't really their falt. They are just small town farm kids. They don't know what a podcast is and my dad recently discovered Youtube. I sometimes feel bad for my mom, she hasn't even experienced the internet world yet.

I'm trying to look at people with out judging them. For instance, there is a guy walking to the bus stop. Instead of ewww fat dude walking to the bus stop, Is that beer in his hand?!?! He looks like a slob, and why does he have on flipflops? I'm also applying this technique to my classroom setting. I am upset at certain classmates because they are okay people when they aren't trying to be the center of attention, or flirt with some one. But if they aren't doing one of those two things they are probably asleep. I think it challenges your brain to have to talk to people you haven't talked to in awhile, or you don't talk to a lot.

Okay well I could go on forever, but I'll stop here. If you are homeschooled or you were or know know anything about it, email me, or leave comment.

Careful what you wish for.

I'm going to start with pretty much the only (useful) thing I did today. (Well Actually I learned some German today to, but that is besides the point, and I'm unintentionally building up suspense). I looked up free online college courses (http://ocw.mit.edu/OcwWeb/web/courses/courses/index.htm). Honestly most of them don't look that hard, of course they are hard for me because I don't have the textbook. I was all worried that college would be hard and blah blah, but the only thing that daunts me now is they give you 1 hour for your mid-term test and 3 hours for your final. YIKES!! a 3 hour long test.
On to my next subject, Religion. This has to do with The Law of Attraction. I'm not an atheist, but I don't believe in "God". I believe in a greater power, but not a god. I also hate the fact that religion and differences among people have caused much hate and suffering. I hate people because they are annoying their religion, race, etc. never even enters my mind. I can't believe people today are still like that, anyways I'm getting off topic. I do believe in The Law of Attraction. It is basically the universe is listening to your every thought and what you give you receive (like a karma system), also you can get anything by imagining it is already yours and vision boards help with this (I'll make a vision board post someday). Anyways, I made my vision board like a month ago, I have it in my room and I look at it everyday and smile. Well on Sunday, my dad said he would order me Rosetta Stone......in Spanish (Latin America). Not exactly what I had in mind (I've been learning German the past 4 months). None the less I'm glad I get Rosetta Stone, I ordered the most expensive version (well my dad paid for it) and it was 429.99 (HEART ATTACK). I'm determined to get my moneys worth and it should help with getting a job, also knowledge is power. What does this have to do with my vision board? Well I put Rosetta Stone on my vision board. I'm still in semi-shock how this has worked out. I'm thinking I should make another larger vision board, because the one I currently have doesn't have enough room for all my ideas. I want to clear one thing up, this is not a wish list type thing, and I'm not using it as such. The majority of my board is covered with Intelligent people, Strong People, and Changes I want to see in the world. The Rosetta Stone thing is one of about 3 material objects on the board. So I'm encouraging you go out and make your own vision board. Just Be careful what you wish for.

Licensed to ride a bike

Seriously I think I need one. Look out world because in two and a half years I will be able to obtain a license (for a car). That is scary considering I have negative five motor skills (yes that is possible). I have enough trouble not running into things or falling over when I'm walking. Now add four wheels and a motor. I've been riding my bike around lately. I don't know why, I just feel like riding my bike. I like the fresh air and the exercise. This is a dialogue I had with a kid on my bus: L= The person M=Me

L= Hey (yeah he doesn't even say my name)
M= Looks over
L= I saw you riding your bike
M=Nods Head
L=Why do you ride your bike?
1 second goes by
L= for exercise? (great now he is calling me fat!)
M=Nods head
L= Why? You're skinny? (Nice save, so apparently I'm not fat)
M= You can be skinny and still be flubby (yes I said flubby)
L= Oh

As you can see this is a mostly one-sided conversation. I didn't even realize it until now. The person I was talking too, he is nice, I guess (I'm trying a new thing where I say nice things about people). He can sometimes be obnoxious, and cuss or made, dumb jokes. I guess most guys are like that, until they grow up. The reason I'm mentioning him is for two reasons (I'll call L Leaf Brain) So here are the two reasons why I mentioned Leaf Brain

1. He is Friends with Adonis!
2. He talks to me randomly out of nowhere

I want to discuss #2. I over-analyze everything people do, I'm constantly watching body language, and every finger tap means something to me. This could just be because I'm female, and I've heard that we tend to do that. I'm not going to discuss this topic any further, because I'll eventually end up making no sense. That is all for today! =D

Funny how things turn out

You Are a Kinetic Learner

You learn best by doing, and you have a talent for complicated, physical tasks. You excel at athletics, drama, and fixing things. You would be an excellent Olympic athlete - or a Broadway star!

What's Your Learning Style?

That is so true. For the first 12 years of my life I had very limited physical activity, and I ate crap. Just last year I joined a gym, started yoga and I have never looked back. I was so miserable before. Dance has just added to that. I found my calling (I know that probably sounds like some cheap line, but it is true). If I was paralzyed tomorrow I would seriously have to kill myself because, I need to be moovin' and grovin'. Before I was brought into the world of physical exercise, I was miserable. It was probably partly due to the fact that I was eating nasty preservatives, and chemicals. It seems like I'm on a roll now and I can do anything and I'm not limited, last year at this time, I would have been scared to talk to anyone, for fear that they would make fun of me. Now I don't really care, I have way more self-confidence. Other things started to fall into place after that. I used to be money/celebrity obsessed and now I feel bad for people who are like that. I think money is just a measure of time, there is a quote it is

"Waste your money and you're only out of money, but waste your time and you've lost a part of your life. ~Michael Leboeuf"

Money measures time, you have to work x hours to get x money. So to be obsessed with money is to be obsessed with time. It would be wasteful to do that seeing as I have no control over either. Celebrities, I think it is sad the population puts other people on a pedestal. What is so great about them honestly. They were in a movie?? There are plenty of people around you who are just as great, and they are right there.

Kinetic learner, I think that those blog things are sometimes inaccurate. This one is right on the mark. I love dance, as a matter of fact, my abs, hips, and thighs hurt right now because I overdid the dancing yesterday. I did an hour at the studio and then I came home and made up the beginnings to 3 other songs. I might be able to convince my parents to let me video tape the dances and upload them to youtube. If not I'll video tape it, but not upload it until I'm 18.

Also I've been reading a blog, I love it! It is (http://anniegirlsreflections.blogspot.com/ ). It has lots of information about your food and other things. It is mostly just her random thoughts, and we think in a similar way (well sort of). It is very interesting and if you have a chance, I think you should read it.

So Great....

I wake up this morning, I'm looking for a little morning cheer, so I turn on to the today show (used to be one of my favorite news shows) and all I hear is "blah blah blah McCain blah blah blah blah Obama blah blah blah blah Economy blah blah blah Depressed" The only reason I'm still watching is because I'm hoping something good will come on. This is what I hate about the media they take one thing and repeat it over and over again. It makes me so annoyed. Now I'm watching TBS and they day gets worse, it is some lovey dovey part of a movie (just my luck). I don't want to ruin your day too, well I'm going to dance today. I'm not feeling well again, my sore throat came back. I think my jaw was hurting before because I have tooth coming in. I'm going to try drinking my green tea again. It doesn't really taste, I leave the bag in as long as I can and I can still barely taste it. It's probably because I'm so plugged up. Another Happy thought, I've had 3 pointless dreams about (das Gift) Adonis (I hope he never sees this blog, he will think I'm some creepo stalker. I haven't followed him home, yet (jk jk). ) There was this thing about dreams if you have the same dream over and over again it is meaningful. I also believe in the law of attraction. It states that the universe is always listening to you and whatever you give you receive. You can search Google for more information.
Well that is all for today. I hope I haven't wasted your time with my random babble.